Good Night

I’m so tired

I am so optimistic by nature that when is all falls down I fall down.  When cruelty, greed and evil keep winning, I don’t want to keep fighting.

I used to have one special someone in my corner all the time.  Now he’s not sure he wants to be there.  I have my friends and I love them, but I miss my best friend.  The one that was there no matter what, that loved me no matter what and was there all the time.

I feel so alone.  I can hear my friends screaming at me again that I’m not alone.  But I feel like I am.

I feel like I’m the last one that wants to try to make everything better, the world, the environment, the social cluster fuck we now call living.

My grandparents were friends with their neighbors.  They played cards all the time while drinking too much then walked home.  They were friends until they died.  I will never have that.

I’m tired of getting up and dusting off.  Starting over and knowing next time it will be better.  This time I want to just stay on the floor.  There is no place to fall to, and it’s kinda comfy having the floor support all my weight.

I remember when there was no ozone holes.  I remember when SPF 4 was enough.  I remember playing out on the street until 8pm with my buddies in summer.

I’m on my way to a master’s degree that will not move me forward, but plant me firmly where I am.  And where I am is nowhere.

I’m very tired of this fight.  I’m tired of fighting alone.  I want all the horrible to stop and I want good to start again.

But I don’t think it’s ever coming back.  The years keep get crappier.  Things out of my control continue to shoot at me and with ever increasing speed.

I am tired, and I want it to stop.

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